Highs and Lows

Ever feel like you are on a roller coaster? You know the feeling I’m talking about? When something amazing happens, everything seems great and you are on this high? But then all of a sudden out of the blue something happens and you find yourself plummeting to a whole different place and wondering how on earth you would ever get back to where you were? That feeling!

Maybe this is an experience I alone have had or maybe I’m preaching to the choir. Either way, it seems the past year I have seen this more than ever before in my own life. Personally I feel there are many things that I can attribute these highs and lows to (my height not being one of them). Haha!

First off, I have been having these little health issues. I remember the good old days of scoffing at the ridiculous thought of stretching to straighten out my back in the morning – now I won’t tell you how long it takes me to actually get going. Isn’t this supposed to happen when my dentures are soaking on my night stand and my anti-wrinkle miracle cream is overtaking my medicine cabinet? Well needless to say it is a challenge to maintain a positive attitude on days you don’t feel the greatest. Thank God for healthy days. I will say those other days do make you appreciate life and friends and family so much more.

Secondly, I find my goals in life changing as I grow umm…more mature. I find myself wanting my life to count not just to go through the motions. I want to leave behind a legacy of a woman who loved God and lived for Him you know? I mean don’t get me wrong the goal of seeing how many marshmallows you could stuff in your mouth in a round of chubby bunny is also extremely important,  but the greatest highs are those days when I sense that I am making a difference, that my life counts, that I am fulfilling my destiny. I am desperate for my life to be filled with more of those moments.

Thirdly, I find myself developing a ‘woe is me’ complex at times. Not often but I have noticed that these times are normally preceded by the feeling of irritation (normally caused by exhaustion or hunger), a sneak attack of jealousy or anger, followed by the overwhelming case of sadness and of course a good pity party. (OK I admit that there may be some hormonal craziness mixed up in these moments) –don’t judge me! Lol! The truth is feeling sorry for yourself just makes you more miserable and who really needs that kind of commitment? Life on this earth is short enough as is.

Finally there is that nagging little thing called doubt. It never fails that on my best days it could derail good intentions, destroy God given dreams and demolish faith. It is the enemy (well with the exception of triple chocolate molten lava cake topped with rich vanilla ice cream-but that is more like a frienemy- where was I?) Oh yeah, it’s funny how once I begin to question the goodness or the promises of God how easy it is to fall into the trap of questioning everything.

Can I be honest? This is my blog after all so I guess I can get as real as I want to. I sometimes wonder why my life went the way it did. I mean I always thought I would graduate from high school, go to college, get a degree, land a fabulous job making great money, meet the man of my dreams, get married, have the cute picket fence home in the suburbs with my 2.5 children (if you count the outdoor dog), work from home writing so I could be a stay at home mom for my twins until they go off to kindergarten and I rejoin the workforce. There was something else…oh yeah and live happily ever after.

Well then I met Jesus and decided that following Him was the single smartest thing that I could possibly do in my life. Well apparently that verse that says God’s ways aren’t our ways actually is true-go figure! Turns out my entire life plan got messed up. I mean I didn’t count on my dad dying (that wasn’t supposed to happen- he was the greatest! and who on earth will walk me down the aisle now if I happen to find a man?). I moved to a whole other country, gave up the college dream because I had a family to take care of and I had to get a job. So I struggle to go back part time, my sister got sick, my finances are not what they could be, still waiting on Mr. Right and slowly watching the dream of children slip away and I’m trying my best to serve God to the best that I can guesstimate that He wants me to but constantly falling short. I see that the plan God had is certainly not the one I had in mind. It has been filled with highs and lows I never expected.

Then, there’s a moment like last Sunday when I danced in church and was able to worship God in a new way. I’m always concerned that I don’t put on a ‘show’ I hope that people see God through it you know? So one of the guys from church met me the next day and told me that it was really moving. He said he was really surprised and felt silly because of his own reaction. And when I asked why, he said he was watching and he began to get chills and all of a sudden he wasn’t even seeing me but sensing the presence of God and he shook himself because he thought ‘I’m a guy, this shouldn’t affect me like this.”

Stop the press! If we are talking about highs, it doesn't get much higher. I felt like God used me to help someone worship Him- wow!!! I was humbled. Now, did I ever see myself doing something like that in my plans? No way! but God’s plans? So much higher than mine…so much better than I could ever dream… Keep you posted on what’s next in this great adventure.  Much love!

Redeeming the Time

It's funny how we can get so caught up with 'life' that we forget to truly 'live'. It's easy to fall into a rut. We've all been there at one point or another when our lives become complacent. We do the same things, go to the same places, take the same routes to get there and if we are not careful we could let go off dreams that we had dreamed and end up looking back on a life that may or may not have been filled with good times but also with possible regrets.

At a Bible study recently we were talking about making every moment count. Not wasting the very limited amount of time that we have been given. We also talked about the fact that the people who we dreamed of becoming may not be who we are today. Personally I had wanted to grow up to be like my dad. He loved God and people and people everywhere loved him. He was a good man. He never missed an opportunity to be kind or generous. He wasn't wealthy by any means but he sure taught us to be thankful for what we had. Some of those values will stay with me forever and as I get older I see more of those characteristics in me. But I'm sure my dad did not have to deal with the 'crazy' that comes every month when you are a woman. :) It might be a tad more difficult for me.

I look back on my life and I definitely have regrets. Some due to my own choices but others due to the circumstances that I was thrust into. Dreams that I had, have been swallowed up by other demands on my life. But is that an excuse? At some point I believe we get chances to pick up where we left off. The catch is that it sometimes takes work. Actually more often than not it takes a lot of hard work and discipline to achieve some of the things we want in life.

One of my dreams is to be an author, that means that I have to discipline myself to write. Even when I don't feel like it. Even when I want to scrap the whole thing and start over. Even when it seems like everything else in my life is more important at that moment. If I want it, then it's on me! I love writing my blog but I get so busy I forget to keep up, I have to decide I am going to do this and schedule times to write like any other appointment I might have. Plus, I think it's important to use the gifts and talents that God has given us. One of my favorite quotations is by Henry David Thoreau: "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them."

I want to let my song be heard. How about you? I think I need to re-acquaint myself with some of the dreams in my heart especially since God is the Dream-Giver. I'd say it will be worth the extra effort!

Wonderful World of Photography!

So a few months ago my BFF and I decided to start a photography business. We did a wedding for a friend and it turned out so well that we decided to run with the crazy idea. Well starting a business takes a lot of work and a lot of time. Between the insanity of our regular jobs, families, church activities and social networking we managed to somehow put the pieces in place. Slow start but believing that God will bless the work.

So yesterday we had our first job involving children. Let me just say I have a new level of respect for children's church workers, day care employees, kindergarten teachers and parents of more than one child everywhere. Lol! I will tell you this, between the moving of furniture, entertaining children, posing children, setting up equipment, dragging children, forcing children to smile, getting the lighting just right, chasing children, making children stop crying, getting 2 cameras ready for action, feeding children, making children laugh, hauling in props, holding children still, making children look in certain directions, laying on the ground to get great angles, fixing children's clothes, threatening children, standing on exercise equipment for a different perspective, fixing children's clothes, bribing children, moving the party outside, bringing out toys to distract children, preventing children from trampling tiny rat dog, tearing everything down, calming children down, loving children and packing up...we were exhausted!!!! :)

Not kidding when I say it was an eye opening experience. We agreed that weddings are a lot less challenging. But since we now have 3 more photo shoots scheduled with families and lots and lots of children (and no weddings) I think God must be trying to teach us something. Haha!

What fascinated me were the different personalities that these kids had, even though they were from the same family line, each one was unique.

The oldest boy was very obedient, he did whatever we asked him to, no attitude, he was adorable. You could tell that he'd been down this road before and knew how to handle it. The other kids were younger.

The next one in line was a little energy ball. He no sooner hit the ground than he was off running. Finding a monster truck he was focused on playing, but then he saw a ball and he was off again. Posing him for pics was challenging because we literally had a 2 second window that he would sit still for and then he was gone.

The third down the line was almost a little over 1 and he had trouble focusing on us. We needed all sorts of things to grab his attention. We held up a mirror so he could see his reflection, we broke out Elmo and even had grandma doing her thing to keep him interested. But soon enough he would get hungry and need his bottle because the other things just didn't seem to satisfy him like his real food.

Our final little one was a mere 3 month all bundle of chubby cheeks and wide eyes. He didn't protest much (quite frankly he pretty much just laid there the whole time) but he just seemed to soak up everything that was going on around him. The cameras, the flashes, the lights, the people he just was trying to take it all in at once. His eyes and little hands just kept moving. Like I said, so fascinating!

The dad was awesome to watch as well. He had such patience, one of the kids would race off and he would go and get them and bring them back to the place where they needed to be. It seemed like they would just keep doing that but their father always went after them and would tell them again what they needed to do.

I love how God will show us things when our hearts are ready and willing to listen. I realized that these kids all represented phases of the Christian walk.

The oldest was like a more seasoned Christian. One who understands that obedience leads to blessing, one who has been through a lot and so knows about God's faithfulness and that this is another step in the journey.

The second child reminds me of the Christian who gets so excited about things and get really involved and pour themselves in it but then something else comes along that appears more exciting and so they are ready to jump into that. They are so busy going from one thing to the next that they barely sit still long enough to experience all that God may have for them.

The third child reminds of the Christian who can get caught up in the 'show'. That person loves the hype, they follow the conferences, get excited with the music and dance, they go from event to event looking for the next high but in the end the only thing that could truly satisfy them is time spent in the Word. Something that is sustaining and rich.

The last one is like the brand new Christian, starting out they are fun to watch as they discover the world around them, getting to know the different promises of God and seeing Him at work. It is almost overwhelming in a good way. They don't know where to look because they are surrounded by a new life.

But probably the most awesome part of the afternoon (besides it being over and me being able to find food and take a nap :) was watching dad. He made me think of our Abba Father whose mercies are new every day. Over and over again we may make poor decisions, we walk away from God, we choose our ways instead of His, we get involved in things we shouldn't and over and over God comes after us, bringing us back to the place where we were, giving us chance after chance to accept His grace and walk in His ways because He knows what's best for us and He has a plan. Wow! Kinda gives fresh revelation to His compassions never failing doesn't it? I am so grateful because I have been that kid running off more times than I can count, 'but for the grace of God...'

Hey friends, do me a favor and share something neat that God has shown you. I would love to hear. Till next time :)