You

Yesterday, I had the honor of doing a spoken word at church. The poem was written by Amena Brown and I heard it many years ago at a One Day conference. It was one of those things that stuck with me though. It was so powerful and refreshing and sums up exactly how I feel about our great and awesome God. I have written a lot of poems in my life and even ones similar to this, but Amena's version is certainly one of my favorite expressions of all times.

When I first thought of doing it, I thought golly that's a lot to memorize when it's written by someone else. But as I began to meditate on it, I knew these words were the very expression of my own heart and I have cried out to God on so many occasions using many of them. My favorite part is the offering of all that I am for God to "O God search me, know me, see me, examine me, test me, watch me, investigate me, question me, be pleased with me, have me, change me, sustain me, decrease me, decrease me, decrease me..." I think what if that were truly the cry of all God's people? Less of me and more of Him. How much more love, kindness, forgiveness and grace would fill our churches and flood our streets and overflow into our cities? If only we could strive for that every day.

Lots of people wanted a copy of it so I am posting the words here. I hope they inspire you as much as they have and continue to inspire me.

You by Amena Brown

You find me, when I’m hiding behind all my disguises You see me
It takes you to keep me breathing, You are heart, passion, vision
You send me and bring me close, close, close, so close until when you look at me You see You
You are heavenly, my present and future destiny
You are Father, Creator, Sustainer, Life Changer, Pride Breaker
You are the same yesterday, now and forever.
You are pleasure, worth, reason, present in every season
You are worship, devotion, You are the reason for all my commotion
You are the One that I pray to
You can tell that I’m nothing without You
So awesome that I can even pray to You, about You, to know You, to sense You
To believe you more, to love You more, to obey You more, to give You more of my heart
O God search me, know me, see me, examine me, test me, watch me, investigate me, question me, be pleased with me, have me, change me, sustain me, decrease me, decrease me, decrease me
Until there is no me left only You, only You,
Only You are light, are true, are You, our hope, our joy, our strength, our escape, rescue, safe
You are peace, You are belief You are advance and retreat
Of what, to what, to whom can I compare You, you are my all things new
You are my place of refuge, my fortress, my rest, my creativity in the strength of Your words to me
You are my ability to see, hear, feel, move, live, breathe, be
You are life and death all at the same time
You are friend, believer, Savior, Redeemer
You are the truth
You transcend old age and youth
You are timeless, priceless, lightness in darkness, greatness, goodness, sinless
And in a mess like my life, You see righteousness
In fact You leave me speechless
You alone are God.

Through the fog...

There are some days when I just wonder "Why me?" You may never have those but I sure do and as I get older they seem to get progressively worse. I am starting to notice the signs though and am beginning to think something is wrong if I don't experience at least a couple of these minor melt-down days every month.

Let me warn you reader that this is down right gut-level, soul baring honesty here. I was having one of these days recently. Started off when I went to bed way too late the night before after working on the PC for hours, my brain was drained (yes, I know it rhymes) :) Not getting a good night's sleep does not make for a sunshiny morning. Things only got better from there. Getting around took a little longer so I skipped my mini make-up routine and headed to church sans make up. Well I got there and talked to a friend who mentioned that I looked absolutely awful and what was I thinking? OK so maybe that's what I heard, I think what she said was "you look tired, is everything OK?" It's all in the interpretation people. That is the last time I forgo foundation when I'm heading out to face the world on 4 hours of sleep.

After church I had a family gathering of sorts to attend and all the happiness there proved to highlight the lack of happiness in certain areas of my own life, you know, husbands, kids etc. This proved to be extremely depressing. Oh and by the way I can't forget that there are certain times of the month when women get emotional for no apparent reason. This was definitely right up there. What does the Word say after all? Rejoice with those who rejoice?" Easier said than done on certain days.

After that I began to feel better over coffee but then got into a disagreement that stemmed from nothing really with my friend. Yep. Hungry, tired, slightly peeved and depressed I headed home to realize that I was just so exhausted from all these emotions and wondering when God was going to intervene that I barely had the energy to eat. That in itself speaks volumes.

Then the lyrics from the song "City on our knees" pops into my head "Through the fog there is hope in the distance, from Cathedrals to third world missions, love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave" and I realized on our very worst days, for those who love Christ, there is hope. I felt like I was in a fog, trapped and alone but God never leaves us or forsakes us, so that killed the alone theory. I woke up this morning grabbing a hold of the right perspectives. Truth about who I am in Christ and it was like love crashing down around me like a wave.

I do not doubt that I will have those moments again and that others feel that way as well but what we decide to do in the midst of our circumstances is so much more important than the circumstance itself. We have a choice to make. Life or death. I want as much of 'life' as possible which means I will have to choose to handle days like that one differently.

Austin

So last weekend I went to Austin, TX. I had a great time just checking out the place. It was surprising. I never envisioned that much green in Texas.

Highlights? Let's see, got to meet my friend's family including her nieces and nephews who were great kids. Visited the Austin Botanical Gardens where I was captivated by the Rose Garden. So many gorgeous roses in one area. Toured downtown Austin a bit which is surprisingly easy to get around, loved that they had real parking (aside from garages), like on the street parking with meters, you hardly ever see that in big cities.

Checked out the University of Texas which was like a city in itself. Home to 50,000 students. Incredible! Visited world the world famous Congress Ave Bat Bridge where we witnessed the launch of 1.5 million Mexican Bats. Creepy! Went to Zilker Park and tried to visit a sculpture park but it was too close to closing time :(

Climbed Mt Bonnel and experienced one of the most incredible views of my life. Toured the State Capitol and got a picture with a real Texas Ranger (for the eyes of the Ranger are upon us...) no not Chuck Norris :( Saw a great Easter musical at Gateway Community Church. Took the girls to the dollar theater and saw Dear John. OK, but a bit disappointing in the end. Finally went to a softball game and near froze in the cooling evening breeze.

But undoubtedly one of the greatest things about Austin was the food. Real Mexican (although Don Lucho's can give them a run for their pesos). Texas BBQ where I tried brisket for the first time. MmmMmm good stuff! Homemade Pierogies and what seems like gallons of sweet tea was added to the list. But my favorite was Korean, eaten in a little cafeteria off the side of an Oriental Market. Yumm!

In a nutshell that was my Austin trip. Gosh it's so much fun visiting new places and meeting new faces, but where does the time go? It's over before you know it. Hopefully I will be going somewhere else really soon. I have been bit by the travel bug yet again!