Through the fog...

There are some days when I just wonder "Why me?" You may never have those but I sure do and as I get older they seem to get progressively worse. I am starting to notice the signs though and am beginning to think something is wrong if I don't experience at least a couple of these minor melt-down days every month.

Let me warn you reader that this is down right gut-level, soul baring honesty here. I was having one of these days recently. Started off when I went to bed way too late the night before after working on the PC for hours, my brain was drained (yes, I know it rhymes) :) Not getting a good night's sleep does not make for a sunshiny morning. Things only got better from there. Getting around took a little longer so I skipped my mini make-up routine and headed to church sans make up. Well I got there and talked to a friend who mentioned that I looked absolutely awful and what was I thinking? OK so maybe that's what I heard, I think what she said was "you look tired, is everything OK?" It's all in the interpretation people. That is the last time I forgo foundation when I'm heading out to face the world on 4 hours of sleep.

After church I had a family gathering of sorts to attend and all the happiness there proved to highlight the lack of happiness in certain areas of my own life, you know, husbands, kids etc. This proved to be extremely depressing. Oh and by the way I can't forget that there are certain times of the month when women get emotional for no apparent reason. This was definitely right up there. What does the Word say after all? Rejoice with those who rejoice?" Easier said than done on certain days.

After that I began to feel better over coffee but then got into a disagreement that stemmed from nothing really with my friend. Yep. Hungry, tired, slightly peeved and depressed I headed home to realize that I was just so exhausted from all these emotions and wondering when God was going to intervene that I barely had the energy to eat. That in itself speaks volumes.

Then the lyrics from the song "City on our knees" pops into my head "Through the fog there is hope in the distance, from Cathedrals to third world missions, love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave" and I realized on our very worst days, for those who love Christ, there is hope. I felt like I was in a fog, trapped and alone but God never leaves us or forsakes us, so that killed the alone theory. I woke up this morning grabbing a hold of the right perspectives. Truth about who I am in Christ and it was like love crashing down around me like a wave.

I do not doubt that I will have those moments again and that others feel that way as well but what we decide to do in the midst of our circumstances is so much more important than the circumstance itself. We have a choice to make. Life or death. I want as much of 'life' as possible which means I will have to choose to handle days like that one differently.